This piece was a result of a collaboration with Drew Carlson, who writes about human performance and leadership. You can follow along with his newsletter, or learn more about his work. He is also on Twitter, @drewcarlsonhp.
You were born in a moment.
You made your first friend in a moment.
You took your first job in a moment.
You said, “I do” in a moment.
You bought a coffee in a moment.
Moments have magnitude. The first 4 have perceived importance and carry more weight. The first 4 have altered your trajectory or changed your opportunity.
The last one… maybe you don’t remember as much (unless you really love morning coffee). It feels like it carries less weight. Less importance.
But our argument for this article is…
As coaches, we treat a lot of our day-to-day operations with our athletes like our morning coffee run. Like it doesn’t matter.
That coffee run does matter.
You can’t get “buy-in” in a moment, but you can lose it in one.
Hold on to your hats.
Moment 1- New Coach in Town
You are a new head coach to the team and were not granted the chance to choose your staff. Your staff is used to having full autonomy in the past, something you agree to continue. This idea sounds great until you actually have to give control. You begin to sit in on meetings that your assistants have with players. You don’t think about the impact this has on your assistant, as they feel they are constantly being evaluated. Continuing in on these meetings, you begin to jump in, and add commentary, until the point where you have fully taken over the meeting. You conclude the meeting, happy with what you have communicated, and excited to hit the ice for the next practice to see what “your coaching” will translate into.
The only thing is, everyone else isn’t as content as you are.
That assistant coach who has only worked with you for a few days instantly feels like they are not valued. They feel like you do not trust their abilities as a coach, and do not have enough respect for them to show them up in front of the players.
And it doesn’t end there. The players recognize that you took over the meeting, which must mean you do not agree with, or believe in what that coach says. As you all hit the ice for practice, players begin to tune out your assistant, and not listen to what he has to say. They believe he is not credible. Can you blame them? Why should they trust what he has to say when the head coach doesn’t even trust him?
The small decision to sit in on the meeting, and provide a little bit of commentary, has now escalated to players no longer listening to your assistant. Said another way, it is a moment that holds a lot of magnitude.
Moment 2- The Tough Call
It is often perceived that one of the most important moments in coaching is the day you get hired. We hear time and time again that the first meeting with the team and staff after being given the reins to the team is crucial to determining the buy-in you will receive from your players and staff. And although it is very important, and can easily derail a new start as much as getting it on the right track, there are many other moments that we as leaders should focus on.
As a coach, how do you react to having to make a tough decision on what goalie to start in a season-saving game? Your starter has gotten you to this point in the playoffs and is up for the Vezina trophy. But you believe that what is best for the team is to give him a game off and start the back-up, who is a quality goalie in his own right. How do you approach that conversation? Do you meet with the starter and openly discuss the reasoning behind your decision and create an opportunity for dialogue? Or do you just tell him he’s not starting, and that “it’s playoffs, you need to put the team above yourself”?
Sound familiar? This just happened, with the Vegas Golden Knights, Marc-Andre Fleury, and Pete DeBoer. I can almost guarantee what the conversation DeBoer had with Fleury looked like, and it is one that resembles the former compared to the latter.
Moments, no matter how big or small, when managed correctly, create a sense of unity between the coach, the individual, and the team, whether there is agreement or not. When done incorrectly, the divide begins to happen, leading down a nasty road. The challenge as leaders is to be able to recognize these moments, understand the importance of handling them correctly, and be able to consistently manage them.
Moment 3- The Moment you Lose the Room
2 months into the season in my 2nd year coaching junior hockey. Boston Showcase. 4 games in 4 days. Game 2 vs. Philadelphia. Pre-game meeting. AKA, the moment I lost the room.
Our opponent’s strength was their transition game and their linking play. They could build a ton of speed in the neutral zone and make life hard for the rush defense.
So we decided to give our players a slight adjustment to our NZ play without the puck. We knew there would be pushback and we used the What, Why, How Framework before I was fully aware of it.
But what I didn’t address up to that point in the year was the Eddie Jones question. Remember this one from a few months back?
After delivering the instructions to the team. There was pushback from 1 player. He asked follow-up questions and if we were sure we had to play this way.
This kind of questioning is part of our culture and I welcome this. That wasn’t the problem.
After the questions get answered in that situation, we commit to the plan or change the plan. We decided as a team to commit to the new NZ adjustments in this game. I left the room and felt good about it.
It turns out when I left the room, the player I needed on my side… The Eddie Jones question guy… He stood up in the room and was the first person to talk after I left. Instead of being my first follower at that moment, he was my first detractor.
He told the team we weren’t doing that adjustment and he decided how the team was going to play. I didn’t learn this until much later but I did notice something was up when I stood behind the bench for the first 20 and watched something that did not resemble what we talked about unfold in front of my eyes.
10 minutes into the period, I looked at my assistant and mouthed, “did we lose the room?” I didn’t need to see his response to know the answer.
Turns out that old cliche:
The first person that speaks after the coach leaves the room is the most important.
Case and point.
Which Moment is “The Moment?”
Let’s revisit the argument as we conclude.
As coaches, we treat a lot of our day-to-day operations with our athletes like our morning coffee run. Like it doesn’t matter.
That coffee run does matter.
You can’t get “buy-in” in a moment, but you can lose it in one.
Each moment has a magnitude. Some you know will be important. Some you won’t find out how important they were until way down the road.
It’s a slow stair step to build trust, but it’s free-fall speed at the moment you lose it.
Think you know someone who wants to Get Over the Hump?
Want to join the climb?